Kim Burkhardt

Faith: Ways of being present in people’s lives….

July 13, 2023

I have recently visited people I’ve known for a long time in several very different social contexts. I found myself pondering….What is the common denominator shared by the people I most respect in each of these varying social environments? The people I most admire are those who intentionally make themselves present in the lives of other people. Empathy, social engagement, concern for other people. I strive to be more like them.

A number of Christian concepts speak to this concept of being present in the lives of other people:

The two greatest commandments: Love God and love your neighbor (Matthew 22:36-40).

How well are we present to the people in our lives – our loved ones, friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc? How much do we attend to their daily needs? How often do we buy people flowers, send them cards, etc? Do we step up to “be there” when someone is having a difficult time? Do we listen? Loving people necessarily involves being present to them. People need each other. Being present involves focusing upon the person – taking an interest in their emotional state and interacting so they sense our interest in them (not thinking about what we’re going to interject when they are done with their next sentence!). When I stayed with a cousin following her surgery four years ago, I was moving around her house looking for physical activities to help out (wash dishes, etc.); she ended up telling me, “Please stop. I just need you to be here. Come, sit with me.”

Beyond caring about the people who we are happy to have in our lives, we can’t say that we love God if we don’t love our neighbor – all of our neighbors. Every person alive is a child of God. We are called to be good to everyone. Of course, we find that some people are easy to love, while some are harder to love. It’s easy to be nice to the people we like. We are measured, I suppose, by how well we treat the people we find hardest to get along with. Sometimes I do well in this regard, sometimes I don’t. In today’s lonely and divisive world (us-against-them political divisions, etc.), each of us becoming more kind toward “the other side” would go along way toward improving our social divisions (it’s not just about waiting for them to “see the light” and be nice to us!)….. Loving more of the people we come into contact with – taking the time to acknowledge people – would also go along way toward reducing what the U.S. Surgeon General is calling our Epidemic of Loneliness. There’s a saying that gets posted occasionally (source unknown): Always be a little kinder than is necessary.

There’s a bit of God in every person.

Each of us is a beloved child of God. How wonderful that is! God loves each of us and each of us matter to God.

The fact that each of us is a beloved child of God applies both to us and to everyone else.

To speak about God loving us….I heard growing up that “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son….” I also heard the children’s song, “Jesus loves me, this I know….” However, this went in one ear and out the other – like in the Charlie Brown movies when the children hear their teacher’s voice as “wah….wah…..wah…wah…” I was in my forties when I finally experienced – in prayer – that God loves me. Knowing that God loves us transforms us – toward happiness and an ability to live well in the world. Hope.

For the people around us….. The next time any of us is inclined to argue with someone, remember that the other person is a beloved child of God. It’s harder to treat people badly when we consider that they are one of God’s beloved children. An example of this is currently playing out in my life. I have a neighbor whose personal problems are spilling out into how she treats the people around her – she’s making everyone’s lives difficult. All of her neighbors have started avoiding her, no one is talking to her. I was in step with the other neighbors – avoiding her and wishing she’d go away. Then, someone suggested that I pray for her. That hadn’t occurred to me! I prayed, asking that God make a positive difference in her life and help heal her challenges. While asking God to make a positive difference in this person’s life, I openly acknowledged in prayer that I’m not thrilled about this person (God knows that, but it mattered that I be transparent) – yet I asked God to help heal her. She is one of God’s children, even with all of her life-warts. (Selfishly, it occurred to me that any healing that comes into her life would calm her challenging behavior and thus make her easier to be around, though that’s secondary to her need for healing!) God loves her; praying for her is an act of kindness.

Whatsoever you do to the least of my fellows, that you did unto me….

“For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, ⁴³I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.” (Matthew 25:40)

I volunteered in the prison system for twenty years. While I was doing secular programming, a prison staffer commented to me that many of the volunteers who go into prisons were church people (“When you visited someone in prison, you did it unto me”). The prison staffer was trying to figure out why I was doing prison work; I had learned in church about “whatsoever you do….” I knew I could participate in people’s lives being transformed. Going inside also gave me respite whenever I had challenges – it got me out of my life. Yet, my benefit was secondary. I was there because I knew that we have a responsibility – a joy – to be present in supporting people to transform their lives. God loves all of us, everyone.

Specific ways of being present within the community…

Looking for ways to be present in people’s lives? Programs in our communities in which we can be present to others are as broad and varied as the needs of people. A few examples:

Grief support programs. I have recently come around to noticing grief support programs. Grief support programs exist in hospitals, community agencies, victim impact programs, counseling centers, churches….. Supporting people in times of grief is an important way of being present with people.

Big Brothers, Big Sisters. Children and teens who participate in Big Brothers Big Sisters are young folks who will benefit from expanded social support of an adult in the community. Thus, being the “Big” who is present to a “little” a great way to be present in someone’s life.

Animal shelters and pet fostering. Animals in shelters and pet foster care are socially in need of attention. Volunteering at shelters and/or fostering a pet until it finds a new home is a wonderful way of being present to otherwise lonely animals.

Volunteering at homeless shelters. Being homeless is a lonely, challenging experience – often with a myriad of significant difficulties. Being present to people in homeless shelters – whether through specific activities such as serving meals or simply by socially visiting with folks – provides social respite to people in homeless shelters and can provide the hope that is wrought by social connections.

Visit hospital patients. There are hospital patients who are in the hospital alone. Some hospitals have “no one dies alone” programs where volunteers are paired up with a dying patient who is alone so that patients experience social connection at the end of their lives.

Kim Burkhardt blogs at A Parish Catechist and The Books of the Ages. If you are a new visitor, it would be great to have you follow this blog (thank you!). If you know someone who would like this blog post, please share it with them (thank you!).

Prayer: a heart-and-soul, “all in” activity

July 10, 2023

A couple of years ago, I read a title for a social media post that stayed with me: “Worry is not a plan.” If you need to get something done or figure out how to do something, worrying about it is not “an activity or a plan that counts toward doing something.”

That statement of “worry is not a plan” is eye-catching because it is insightful about how we emotionally engage with challenging aspects of our lives.

Prayer, on the other hand, is a meaningful activity – fruitful in and of itself (and quite the opposite of worry! In prayer, we are to allow God to be in control rather than worrying that nothing positive is going to happen. Further, God has no ill intention when we give God the reigns.). It is most meaningful when we emotionally engage with prayer.

A perusal of Google Trends (a free online way to look up what people have been searching for online since 2004), indicates that people are searching more often for information about “how to pray.”

There are a good variety of “techniques” for prayer. When I teach classes for people interested in joining my denomination, one of the topics we cover is “types of prayer, ways to pray” (with an assignment to start praying if they aren’t already!) There is intercessory prayer (asking God to intercede – or help – with this or that), contemplative prayer, lectio divina, attending church services (yes, being at church is – in and of itself – prayer, “talking to God” (in a general yet personal sort of way), denomination-specific techniques such as using prayer beads (rosaries, etc.), singing (did you know that the psalms were all meant to be sung and that “everyone who sings prays twice”?) the list goes on. Some approaches to prayer will suit one person, while other forms of prayer work better for the next person. What matters most about prayer is that “we are all in” when we pray.

What’s being “all in” when we pray? It involves actually engaging. Being present. Being present to God. Prayer is communication, a two-way communication – not just us talking at God. When we phone people we know, we wouldn’t just talk at them (one-directional communication) and then hang up, without listening to them in reply; it’s the same with God when we pray – prayer is meant to be a a meaningful, two-way connection (give-and-take).

When I pray, there is rarely human language involved. Perhaps surprisingly, human language isn’t necessarily necessary to communicate within prayer. I tend only to use human language in prayer when doing intercessory prayer (a small percentage of my prayer time). Most of the time, my prayer experience involves “resting in God’s presence” (a phrase from Contemplative Outreach). In other words, “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). Being in God’s presence, allowing God’s presence to be within my conscious awareness, surrendering to allow God turn me into the person that God wants me to be – this for me leads me toward feeling the fullness of God’s love and toward being a better human being. Feeling God’s presence is an aspect of communication and a productive one at that (like having a loved one or a pet with you in front of a fire when you are feeling down). Feeling loved by God is a form of communication. Sensing that God is changing how I live in the world is a fruitful aspect of prayer.

Prayer in which “we are all in” is life-changing. A meaningful relationship with God is only possible with prayer. Having an active life of faith is only possible with prayer.

We each our best approach to prayer by trying out prayer. Wondering how to have a meaningful relationship with God? Pray regular – at least twice per day, five minutes each time (if that feels like a lot, there are some prayer practices that pray for 20 minutes to an hour at a time – or more). Try out the various types of prayer listed earlier in this post. There is absolutely no “right type of prayer.” There are a number of types of prayer that most certainly have time-tested value; it’s also true that we are all individuals and we all connect with God in our own way.

“How,” might you ask, “will I know when I have found an approach to prayer that works for me?” You’ll know. Prayer will become something that you won’t be able to live without – any more than you can live without air or water.

Kim Burkhardt blogs at A Parish Catechist and The Books of the Ages. If you are a new visitor to this parishcatechist.org blog, you are invited to start following this blog (thank you!)!

Surrender in Prayer

July 6, 2023

Prayer is communication, a relationship with God. A few thoughts about this prayer relationship and about our role of surrender within this prayer relationship:

Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10).

Relationships are two-way, interactive.

We typically wouldn’t call someone on the phone and have a one-way communication whereby we solely speak to the other person without giving the other person an opportunity to speak, then hang up. Just as human communication is a two-way process, our prayer time with God is meant to be a two-way relationship; we communicate to God and receive God’s communication to us.

In order for us to have a two-way prayer relationship with God, we have to listen to – and be present to – God’s presence in our lives. God wants to have a relationship with us.

How do we go about listening to God’s presence in prayer? My own experience with this is reflected in both Psalm 46:10 (“Be still and know that I am God”) and Contemplative Outeach’s concept of “resting in God’s presence.” Can everyone expect to hear God’s voice in the sense of hearing human language spoken to us by God? Hearing spoken language directed to me by God isn’t something I experience. What I personally experience in prayer is feeling God’s presence; feeling loved by God, feeling that God is directing the course in which I move in life because I am allowing God to do so – this “more than suffices” in my view as two-way communication. The love found in God’s presence provides “peace that passes all understanding” (Phillipians 4:7).

It is in our surrender that we win…..

Our relationship with God is a relationship that happens only when we choose to participate in such a relationship. Again, God the creator wants to have a relationship with us. We have free will; no relationship is a true relationship when it is forced – rather, God gives us the option of whether we are willing to have God be present in our lives.

Our God-and-us relationship is one of creator-and-created, parent-and-child.

Within this creator-and-created relationship, there is a natural place for our surrender to God as our leader-who-molds-and-fashions-our-will-toward-good.

Despite our western ideas about individual autonomy and self-agency, us permitting God’s agency to mold and shape us is liberating. God loves us, wants good for us and our world, and and has capacity for transformational good beyond our comprehension. There is no room for a negative outcome when we allow God to work within and through us.

He must become greater, I must become less (John 3:30).

When we allow God to work in and through us, this leads naturally toward life becoming about God – and, by extension, us focusing on God’s other children – rather than our life being about us. We move out of the way, more of our being becomes about God’s presence within us. Rather than us being me-centered, we become God-centered. In time, this turns into “It is no longer I, but God who lives in me” (Galatians 2:20). As a result, we experience the “peace that passes all understanding” (Phillipians 4:7).

Kim Burkhardt blogs at A Parish Catechist and The Books of the Ages. If you are a new visitor, you are invited to click through and start following this blog (thank you!).

Growing in faith is an act of community

June 30, 2023

“There’s a longing in our hearts…..” So goes the song. A longing to connect with the divine.

On the matter of how we develop a relationship with the divine… In recent decades, there has been a growing number of people who identify as “spiritual but not religious.” The Barna Group, in their studies on “spiritual but not religious (SBNR)” individuals, describe this SBNR demographic as having a “spirituality that looks within;” that “to be religious is to be institutional—it is to practice one’s spirituality in accordance with an external authority. But to be spiritual but not religious is to possess a deeply personal and private spirituality. Religions point outside oneself to a higher power for wisdom and guidance, while a spirituality divorced from religion looks within. Only a fraction of the two spiritual but not religious groups (9% and 7%) talk often with their friends about spiritual matters. Almost half (48% each) say they rarely do it, and they are 12 (24%) to eight (17%) times more likely to never talk with their friends about spiritual matters than both practicing Christians and evangelicals (2% each).”

In western society, we also have an “epidemic of loneliness” in which too many lonely individuals are longing for community. The U.S. Surgeon General, in his 2023 report on the “Epidemic of Loneliness,” speaks – on page 23 – about a return to more involvement in faith-based communities as part of the solution to this epidemic.

A “spirituality that looks within” and is divorced from formal religion can certainly be tempting (I’ve “been there, done that.” I am actively learning to grow out of that perspective! Even many mystics and hermits live in some degree of community.). While we absolutely and essentially need time for personal reflection and quiet prayer (daily, for me), to look within can too easily become a lonely, isolated endeavor – rather than a community-centered faith in which a significant aspect of our faith is an outward-driven focus on being of service to other people.

The two greatest commandments are “Love God and love your neighbor” (Matthew 22:36-40). Love – like faith – is a verb! As a verb, love is more than having positive feelings about or toward someone; it’s about an outwardly-focus doing of loving actions. Love your neighbor requires faith-driven community (rather than loneliness!), despite any protestations to the contrary. …..”Yes,” some will say, “But I can be good to people as a result of my inward spiritual-but-not-religious faith pursuit.” To some degree, perhaps. A faith community, however, pulls us actively out of ourselves more than we typically achieve solo. In a faith community, a group’s social dynamics pull us out if ourselves (serve the good of the group and individuals within the group). Further, there are group “love your neighbor” volunteer activities (soup kitchens, etc.).

Cultivating one’s faith within a faith community – rather than doing faith solo – is an active antidote to our “epidemic of loneliness.” “There’s a longing in our hearts…..” (so goes the song). The results are in; we have to give up some of our treasured inward-looking autonomy to gain some freedom from our epidemic of loneliness. Joining a faith community and becoming active in that faith community is good for our health.

Kim Burkhardt blogs at A Parish Catechist and The Books of the Ages.

Book Review: C.S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters

June 27, 2023

I was in third grade when I started reading C.S. Lewis. I was attending parochial school and our third grade teacher encouraged us to read the Chronicles of Narnia. I was so enamored by the books that I read the chronicles six times.

C.S. Lewis has been wandering in and out of my reading life ever since.

A friend gave me The Screwtape Letters when I was in high school – probably when I was in grade eleven or twelve. Developmentally, this timeless class was a great book to read in high school; it was a readable, accessible book that was a developmental step toward reading adult-level books about faith. Just as I read the Chronicles of Narnia several times as a child, I periodically come back around to The Screwtape Letters as an adult.

In this book, exchanges between the devil and one of his underlings provide witty and engaging insight into how the devil seeks to tempt us into sin via his deep understanding of human psychology and our natural foibles and temptations. Crafty and cunning, the devil is shown to use trickster techniques to outwit any effort on our part to live a just and upright life. The book engages us to see just how tempting sin is; how “it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God” (Matthew 19:24) – that staying on the right and narrow road to righteousness becomes an increasingly narrow path that requires both our active participation and our willingness to allow God to direct us (“small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it” Matthew 7:14).

The Screwtape Letters is worth reading.

Kim Burkhardt blogs at A Parish Catechist and The Books of the Ages.

Book Review: Anne Lamott’s Dusk Night Dawn

June 24, 2023

It somehow took me until 2020 to hear of Anne Lamott. …..Came upon one of her quotes on social media. When I mentioned the quote that I’d come across, a friend said “I love Anne Lamott.”

When I then read two of Anne Lamott’s books, including Dusk Night Dawn, I discovered why my friend Sue “loves Anne Lamott.” She’s a good writer, yes. She’s real, she’s real-like-us (ordinary people can see ourselves in her). When Lamott writes about her life, faith, and the world and society in which we find ourselves,, she writes about real life lessons and tackles some of life’s subjects that people would often rather avoid. She’s not shy about taking – and sharing – a social and political perspective on life and the world in which we live.

I am keeping two of Anne’s books on my bookshelf at home. A real-like-us writer. Refreshing.

Kim Burkhardt blogs at A Parish Catechist and The Books of the Ages.

Day of Solemnity: Recognizing John the Baptist’s birth

June 24, 2023

Today we recognize the birth of John the Baptist.

John the Baptist was born six months before Jesus. While we don’t know their exact dates of birth, it makes sense chronologically that we celebrate John the Baptist’s birthday six months ahead of the day we celebrate Jesus’s birth.

This day of solemnity – June 24 – comes three days after the start of summer. The first day of summer is the longest day of the year, after which days begin to get shorter.

Likewise, we celebrate Jesus’s birthday – December 25 – four days after the darkest day of the year, when the darkest days of the year are beginning to get lighter. Metaphorically, Jesus is bringing light into the world.

Just as we recognize Jesus as bringing light into the world, we look at the current seasonal calendar and see another metaphor correlated to celebrating the birth of John the Baptist. Days are now getting shorter; we look to 3:30 in the fourth gospel: “He must become greater, I must become less.” In other words…..Just as John the Baptist recognized Jesus as greater than himself (“I am not worthy to untie his sandals”), we look at today’s days getting shorter as symbolically representing that we must reduce ourselves (we are less important) as we give Jesus a greater place in our lives.

Kim Burkhardt blogs at A Parish Catechist and The Books of the Ages.

* Royalty paid for use of image.

Who might you talk to this week about your prayer life?

June 20, 2023

Image: Ruins of historic Clonmacnoise monastery, Ireland

I was gifted with a grace-infused re-conversion experience in October, 2016. This included an extended period of life-changing contemplative prayer (the story of my re-conversion experience is told here).

During that period (and for awhile afterward), I was at a loss as to how to communicate my continuing prayer experience that was underway.

Along the way, I found my way to the writings of two Spanish mystics (saints) from the 1500’s – Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross (I recently blogged about them here). Their writings about prayer provided me with much faith nourishment, so I approached their religious order – the Carmelites – about getting involved in their order as a lay person (“third order”). They invited me to perhaps come back to them at a later time…. I was still at much of a loss to communicate to the Carmelites – or to anyone – what I was experiencing and how I was drawn to the charism of Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross, so I can perhaps see the Carmelites wondering whether I was a good fit to get involved in their order….. Over the next while, I found my way into Contemplative Outreach Northwest (which is also a good place for contemplative types).

I found myself puzzled by the frequent lack of dialogue “in the pews” among parishioners about their inner experience of faith – including their experience with prayer.

…..In my thirst for dialogue about prayer, I slowly found more and more writers who write capably about prayer; most recently, I’ve found author Emilie Griffin’s book Clinging: The Experience of Prayer. Prayer can be – and is meant to be – an “encounter with God.” I’ve had a taste of this, it seems that such encounters among parishioners would feed jubilant conversations “in the pews.” I now look for ways to likewise cultivate this type of communication among parishioners – dialogue in the pews – about prayer (including this blog post!).

…..Understandably, everyone one of us different. Different temperaments, different life experiences, etc…. Thus, a friend (Dan Oberg) replied to my query to him about discussing prayer experiences, “You talk about the chasm between your experience in prayer and the ability to communicate it to others. I think that is a very universal, human issue. On one level, prayer is a very personal communion with God that is meant to be personal, and unique to you…. If we can find just a few folks who can hear about our experience and relate to it in some way, and be willing to share their own experience, humbly and vulnerably, than we’re doing pretty good…. But for each of us, at some point in that path, we will find ourselves just with God, as the only One who can walk the entire journey with us.”

I encourage each of you to stretch yourself in how you discuss your inner experience of prayer with people you know. There are fruitful rewards – I believe – in talking about how we inwardly experience our relationship with God. Increased community (an important factor in today’s “epidemic of loneliness”), an opportunity for us to learn from one another and encourage each other….. (hint: the U.S. Surgeon General’s”epidemic of loneliness” report cited above mentions – on page 23 – involvement in faith-based communities as part of the solution) … If you could use a launching point for discussing how you experience prayer, the following quote – from Emilie Griffin’s Clinging: The Experience of Prayer – may be of help:

“[Methods of prayer] are not yet prayer itself. They are paths toward prayer, the stepping stones from our furious activity and movement into His life, his being…..When we begin to pray, it is His power and grace that helps us pray…..[When we yield in prayer,] Something happens now for the first time between the Lord and us, something springs from His reality and our response, from His identity and ours in him. We do not speak….our prayer moves beyond words….He is calling us and we are following….His presence moves us….shows us gleams of an existence we hardly guessed at….stepping free of where we were and who we were into new selves, made in his image and likeness, selves of His likeness, selves of His making, made for heaven and for Him. (pages 27-28).”

With whom might you discuss your prayer life in the next week?

Kim Burkhardt blogs at A Parish Catechist and The Books of the Ages.

Image: Ruins of historic Clonmacnoise monastery, Ireland

Book Review: Stages of Faith (spoiler – a useful read!)

June 18, 2023

I have found this book to be a tremendous value in my own faith journey specifically and in my overall psychological development generally.

When I returned to church in 2016 – after a 20-year hiatus – the pastor with whom I connected listened to my story about my experience with church and he made a comment about my “stage of faith.” He rather suggested that my “stage of faith” was younger than my chronological age of maturity. Ouch! But, okay, was he perhaps correct? I took an interest in his turn of phrase, “stage of faith.” I Googled the phrase, found my way to this book by academic-sociologist-theologian James Fowler (in later conversations, I found out that the pastor had read this book).

Fowler had interviewed hundreds of people – from young children to seniors – to hear about how their experience faith and a search for meaning within a western context. Fowler drew from these interviews and from existing theories of psychological development to profile six descriptive/normative stages of faith development. Most people, it turns out, grow to somewhere between stages three and five….. I looked for myself in this book; discovered – in re-reading parts of the book several times – that my “stage of faith” was pretty close to where the pastor had guessed I was at – I had gotten stuck in the transition between stages three and four (a common place to get developmentally detoured, according to James Fowler).

When I read this book, I had known for some time that I had been “stuck” in my effort to grow further in faith; I wasn’t sure how to get “unstuck.” This book provided tremendous value in this regard. Once I identified “where I was” (i.e., 3.5), I re-read the next stage – stage four – to get an idea of where to head next. Once I saw a roadmap of the direction to head in (without this book being tied to a particular denomination), this helped me to begin moving forward, thankfully (the particulars of moving forward are guided by my denomination, as are each of us).

In addition to finding faith assistance from this book, I found in this book that various aspects of my faith-mental-emotional “developmental stages” weren’t entirely lined up in one neat age-chronology phase. Life wasn’t “tidy.” This book helped me to grow and mature various aspects of my self-hood to get my “various aspects” closer to one chronological age. I come back to this book occasionally to monitor my ongoing progress…. On the whole, a worthwhile read that I often recommend to people I meet.

Since I read this book, I have also sought-out and found additional topic-relevant books for follow up. For example, Jane Regan’s book Toward an Adult Church is a worthwhile read.

Kim Burkhardt blogs at A Parish Catechist and The Books of the Ages.