I have recently visited people I’ve known for a long time in several very different social contexts. I found myself pondering….What is the common denominator shared by the people I most respect in each of these varying social environments? The people I most admire are those who intentionally make themselves present in the lives of other people. Empathy, social engagement, concern for other people. I strive to be more like them.
A number of Christian concepts speak to this concept of being present in the lives of other people:
- The two greatest commandments: Love God and love your neighbor (Matthew 22:36-40).
How well are we present to the people in our lives – our loved ones, friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc? How much do we attend to their daily needs? How often do we buy people flowers, send them cards, etc? Do we step up to “be there” when someone is having a difficult time? Do we listen? Loving people necessarily involves being present to them. People need each other. Being present involves focusing upon the person – taking an interest in their emotional state and interacting so they sense our interest in them (not thinking about what we’re going to interject when they are done with their next sentence!). When I stayed with a cousin following her surgery four years ago, I was moving around her house looking for physical activities to help out (wash dishes, etc.); she ended up telling me, “Please stop. I just need you to be here. Come, sit with me.”
Beyond caring about the people who we are happy to have in our lives, we can’t say that we love God if we don’t love our neighbor – all of our neighbors. Every person alive is a child of God. We are called to be good to everyone. Of course, we find that some people are easy to love, while some are harder to love. It’s easy to be nice to the people we like. We are measured, I suppose, by how well we treat the people we find hardest to get along with. Sometimes I do well in this regard, sometimes I don’t. In today’s lonely and divisive world (us-against-them political divisions, etc.), each of us becoming more kind toward “the other side” would go along way toward improving our social divisions (it’s not just about waiting for them to “see the light” and be nice to us!)….. Loving more of the people we come into contact with – taking the time to acknowledge people – would also go along way toward reducing what the U.S. Surgeon General is calling our Epidemic of Loneliness. There’s a saying that gets posted occasionally (source unknown): Always be a little kinder than is necessary.
- There’s a bit of God in every person.
Each of us is a beloved child of God. How wonderful that is! God loves each of us and each of us matter to God.
The fact that each of us is a beloved child of God applies both to us and to everyone else.
To speak about God loving us….I heard growing up that “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son….” I also heard the children’s song, “Jesus loves me, this I know….” However, this went in one ear and out the other – like in the Charlie Brown movies when the children hear their teacher’s voice as “wah….wah…..wah…wah…” I was in my forties when I finally experienced – in prayer – that God loves me. Knowing that God loves us transforms us – toward happiness and an ability to live well in the world. Hope.
For the people around us….. The next time any of us is inclined to argue with someone, remember that the other person is a beloved child of God. It’s harder to treat people badly when we consider that they are one of God’s beloved children. An example of this is currently playing out in my life. I have a neighbor whose personal problems are spilling out into how she treats the people around her – she’s making everyone’s lives difficult. All of her neighbors have started avoiding her, no one is talking to her. I was in step with the other neighbors – avoiding her and wishing she’d go away. Then, someone suggested that I pray for her. That hadn’t occurred to me! I prayed, asking that God make a positive difference in her life and help heal her challenges. While asking God to make a positive difference in this person’s life, I openly acknowledged in prayer that I’m not thrilled about this person (God knows that, but it mattered that I be transparent) – yet I asked God to help heal her. She is one of God’s children, even with all of her life-warts. (Selfishly, it occurred to me that any healing that comes into her life would calm her challenging behavior and thus make her easier to be around, though that’s secondary to her need for healing!) God loves her; praying for her is an act of kindness.
- Whatsoever you do to the least of my fellows, that you did unto me….
“For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.” (Matthew 25:40)
I volunteered in the prison system for twenty years. While I was doing secular programming, a prison staffer commented to me that many of the volunteers who go into prisons were church people (“When you visited someone in prison, you did it unto me”). The prison staffer was trying to figure out why I was doing prison work; I had learned in church about “whatsoever you do….” I knew I could participate in people’s lives being transformed. Going inside also gave me respite whenever I had challenges – it got me out of my life. Yet, my benefit was secondary. I was there because I knew that we have a responsibility – a joy – to be present in supporting people to transform their lives. God loves all of us, everyone.
- Specific ways of being present within the community…
Looking for ways to be present in people’s lives? Programs in our communities in which we can be present to others are as broad and varied as the needs of people. A few examples:
Grief support programs. I have recently come around to noticing grief support programs. Grief support programs exist in hospitals, community agencies, victim impact programs, counseling centers, churches….. Supporting people in times of grief is an important way of being present with people.
Big Brothers, Big Sisters. Children and teens who participate in Big Brothers Big Sisters are young folks who will benefit from expanded social support of an adult in the community. Thus, being the “Big” who is present to a “little” a great way to be present in someone’s life.
Animal shelters and pet fostering. Animals in shelters and pet foster care are socially in need of attention. Volunteering at shelters and/or fostering a pet until it finds a new home is a wonderful way of being present to otherwise lonely animals.
Volunteering at homeless shelters. Being homeless is a lonely, challenging experience – often with a myriad of significant difficulties. Being present to people in homeless shelters – whether through specific activities such as serving meals or simply by socially visiting with folks – provides social respite to people in homeless shelters and can provide the hope that is wrought by social connections.
Visit hospital patients. There are hospital patients who are in the hospital alone. Some hospitals have “no one dies alone” programs where volunteers are paired up with a dying patient who is alone so that patients experience social connection at the end of their lives.
Kim Burkhardt blogs at A Parish Catechist and The Books of the Ages. If you are a new visitor, it would be great to have you follow this blog (thank you!). If you know someone who would like this blog post, please share it with them (thank you!).
