I went to confession this weekend.
It seemed to get off to a bad start when I reported that “the last time I came to confession was during Lent…..” The priest replied, “Oh, it’s been awhile….” (“Geesh,” I thought, “it’s only been about six months….Yeah, I know, we should attend monthly or when we really make a mess of something – whichever comes first – but still…… And, what’s up at this parish? I’ve noticed that most of the people who come here for confession are men. Are men and I the only sinners who show up here? What”s up with the demographics?”).
I then verbally moved into “I’m here because….” I don’t know about you, but I tend to show up in the confessional with my story line prepared. Having a story line prepared happens – at least in part – because I don’t like going to confession. I dread it. I have confessed to other parishioners that I usually walk to confession – walking to confession gives me the opportunity to kick the sidewalk on my way there.
We’re not suppose to call it confession any more. We’re suppose to call it reconciliation. We get reconciled with God. I actually know that – both as a theological idea and from experience. And, I know from experience that going to confess….ciliation actually results in me growing in faith, getting closer to God. …….. Still, I usually walk to the church so that I can kick the sidewalk on my way there.
When I told the priest what I was there for, he responded with “God loves you very much. Etc.” (he provided some empathy). “But,” he said, “What you’ve told me isn’t actually a sin. Have you done anything that’s actually a sin [i.e., you are in a confessional]?”
My mind went a bit sideways for a moment……. I then told him, “What I’ve told you about has the very real potential to turn into # – which is very definitely a sin that the church frowns upon. I thought it would be better to come here before this turns into #.” The priest ended up agreeing with that. And, he ended by telling me again that “God loves you very, very much….and can you pray a Lord’s Prayer before you leave the church?”
“Yes, I can pray a Lord’s Prayer before leaving the church” – which I did. I then went home, rather with the feeling that I’d just had an argument about what I had confess…..ciled.
A couple of hours later, the the matter of “#” became reconciled in my life. I began to feel lighter and had an opportunity for the relevant circumstance to be improved upon. And, yes, God does love us very, very much.
Going to reconciliation really does grow us in faith (despite my continuing kicking of sidewalks).
Kim Burkhardt blogs at A Parish Catechist (and is a member of the Association of Catholic Publishers). Blogging is sustainable via blog readership (i.e. readers/subscribers). If you are a new visitor, it would be great to have you subscribe to follow this blog (thank you!). If you know someone who would like this blog, please share it with them and invite them to subscribe (thank you!).
