Ten years ago, I had a re-conversion experience that has born much fruit, bringing about something of an inward emotional re-arrangement (some elements of that story are told here). In the period following that re-conversion experience, I had an extended sense of God loving me. Directly and personally.

How, though, do we explain such experiences? I recently wrote in a paper for my Master’s in Theology that “In recent years, I have been challenged in effort to foster meaningful dialogue about how we each experience our personal faith journeys.  Insufficient dialogue on these topics has been a point of frustration and emotional isolation.”

Periodically, I have found “bits and pieces” of how to articulate such experiences. At one point, I heard a parish priest speak of having an “encounter with God” outdoors one afternoon in the American Southwest when he was in his twenties. “Oh, okay,” I recognized – “I can tell people that I had an encounter with God” to partially tell of my experience. Other tidbits of how to talk of my experience come along occasionally. Also, I occasionally find people “in the pews of churches” who are undergoing some kind of an inward emotional re-arrangement that is being wrought by God. I have met two such people in the last five years. All I knew to do was to be present with them. They and I would try to “talk around” what they were experiencing as neither they now I knew how to fully articulate it (thought they were very clearly hungry for conversation and community around what they were experiencing). When Teresa of Avila was told in the 1500’s to write her story – of mystical experiences, etc. – she likewise had to invent a way of describing her inner experiences (she did a great job!).

I discovered a couple of months ago that Augustine wrote about “interiority.” “Ah ha,” I thought! Perhaps, I hoped, the writings of this early church father and theologian might help me to learn to better foster dialogue about how we experience the “interiority” of how we experience our inner faith journeys. I explored this in a paper for school. The paper proved to meander somewhat. In working on that paper, I was better able to articulate the parameters my own questions and came across a few gems of insight about communicating what I mean by spiritual interiority. For example, the Cambridge Companion to Augustine’s Confession tells us:

“Augustine directs his readers’ attention to the soul as an inner world, an interior space of the self that is not literally a place, but rather a dimension of being in which truths may be found, including God as the eternal truth that has always been present both within and above the soul as its creator. Yet, the self comes late to God within itself, because as sinners we keep turning our attention outward, trying to find happiness in external things.”

In order to go inward, the Cambridge Companion to Augustine’s Confessions (above) also communicates about turning away from external distractions toward your own consciousness.  Then, springboarding into transcending oneself becomes possible by connecting with the God who lives within us.

I have experienced these statements; now the written statements above as reference to more fully articulate what it is I want to discuss within faith communities. Great. It took ten years to find these statements.

Our own interiority, I think, is individual and hard to communicate. Other folks have corroborated in their own ways that such interiority can be hard to communicate. But the likes of Teresa of Avila and Augustine manage to communicate their experience!

I would like for “everyday people in church pews” to be able to talk about our interior faith experiences. Building community around sharing our encounters with God – and simple every day faith maturation – should be the privilege of everyone who is on a faith journey. I think, perhaps, that some people come to sharing such easier than I do…..

In two other books I am currently reading, I am finding more gems that offer insights into describing the experiences of religious interiority:

• In his book Doors to the Sacred, Joseph Martos writes that what we experience in religious sacraments are doors that open for us the experience that which is sacred. Wow. What a way to help us articulate our experiences.
• Stephen B. Bevans writes in his book Community of Missionary Disciples (a book we are reading for school) that contemplation is “God ‘gazing’ on us in love, as Pope Francis often says.” I just read this today. I needed that statement last week. I had sent my recent academic paper (above) to the priest I got matched up with to offer spiritual guidance as I do my Master’s program. He had asked me to explain verbally what I meant when I said that I had experienced God directly loving me. All I could say last week that it was like God was present as person within the space of my inward “personal space” loving me.
• In Joseph Martos’ Doors to the Sacred book, I also came upon the phrase “mystical metaphysics.” I Googled that phrase. Reading the search results and tweaking my subsequent search queries led to the phrase “Catholic mystical metaphysics” and the word “ontology”(the branch of philosophy that investigates the nature of existence).

So, maybe what I am really interested in is ontology of Catholic mystical metaphysics. Hmmm….. Am I thinking to hard in trying to find a way for we “everyday people in the pews to talk to each other?” Do I just communicate less readily than other people? I have any number of books written by saints, nuns, etc. who have described their own prayer journeys and mysticism. Maybe I just need to communicate more freely. Perhaps. Yet, I also want to hear more dialogue from “every day people of faith” about how we experience our faith journeys. What’s it like when you turn to God in prayer? What’s it like when you feel God loving you? What does it feel like when you respond to those occasional “nudges” we all get occasionally that might be the Holy Spirit trying to get our attention? (and, I am still getting asked what I mean when I say “interiority,” even after writing the paper mentioned above).

We have writers such as Thomas Merton, Teresa of Avila, Edith Stein, and John of the Cross to read. Should we just satisfy ourselves with reading what they have to say about the spiritual life?

I still want to figure out how to talk more freely about the ontology of Catholic mystical metaphysics. Maybe I think too much. But, I want to build community around this topic. The U.S. Surgeon general says that we have an “epidemic of loneliness” and the subsequent health consequences of that “epidemic of loneliness.” I don’t think we are suppose to be lonely. Church buildings become places of community when we talk to each other. Even the mystic Teresa of Avila – now a Doctor of the Church – had to figure out how to articulate her experience. Surely, we “every day people” can figure out how to share with each other the experiences of our inner religious experiences to build community around the experience of our faith journeys.

I will continue working on this…..

Kim Burkhardt blogs about faith at The Hermitage Within. Thank you for reading this faith blog and for sharing it with your friends. While you are here, please feel welcome to provide support to sustain this blog ($$).